


Tell all the truth but tell it slant

by aimeewrites



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-28 03:43:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20057470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aimeewrites/pseuds/aimeewrites
Summary: What Alex will reveal to  Serena - why she lied and howTitle from Emily Dickinson (see poem at the end)





	Tell all the truth but tell it slant

_“Human greatness does not lie in wealth or power, but in character and goodness. People are just people, and all people have faults and shortcomings, but all of us are born with a basic goodness._” Anne Frank   


« Maybe I should have forced you to come and have that drink at Albie’s when you were in my car. Kidnapped you. Because you might have avoided the whole accident – surgery thingie…”

Alex snorted: “Yes – well, I’ve never been one for choosing the safe option, Serena – not that I think going with you then would have been that…”

The two women concentrated on their drinks for a while – Serena nursed her usual glass of Shiraz and Alex stared gloomily at her Coke – painkillers and alcohol did not mix well. But at least she was out of the hospital. And alive – not that she really wanted to be. Or maybe she did – but – on the roller-coaster of the last weeks, there had been definite moments where she wished she had been blown-up with Bernie. She glanced at Serena under her lashes and sighed – this was the time to come clean: “Serena…”

At the same instant Serena cleared her throat and began: “Alex…”

Alex gulped – yes – definitely the time. She looked at her hands, unwilling to meet Serena’s eyes and spoke: “Serena – I told you I regretted I’d lied to you. I – I’m not proud of what I did, but I have to tell you the truth. Bernie and I – we – we were never engaged. When I came to see her in Nairobi, to ask her to come with me to Mogadishu… Sure, I thought it was my chance. We’d talked a bit – short emails, that kind of stuff. Actually, she emailed me first – she was interested in the project – wanted to see if she could participate. I was – elated. So I told her I’d come and see her, iron out the details. My CO was over the moon – almost pushed me into the plane to Nairobi – having the great Major Wolfe with us would be quite the coup…”

“I thought – I thought she’d left all that behind. She- she was still Army?”

“You can take the girl out of the Army, but you can never take the army out of the girl”, joked Alex with a little smile before sobering up again. “She did leave, Serena – otherwise she would never have offered to stay in Holby with you. She couldn’t have. She never accepted another commission, but she was still in the Reserves – she joined us as a reservist.”

“Of course,” Serena sighed. “So – she told you about that too – how she’d found a job in the ER and…”

“Yes – she told me everything. Stepney, the shiraz, the slippers… Everything. She bent my ears for hours, she couldn’t stop talking about you. I met some of her colleagues one day – THEY didn’t know. I worked with her a week in her Trauma Unit – she was bright and energetic and she took care of everyone and everything and …Well, she was Major Wolfe, eminent Trauma Surgeon – the fearsome Bernie Wolfe. And then, she came home to that tiny flat – she moved to a smaller one after you broke up, you know. That tiny, bare flat – I mean, I’ve seen more comfortable barracks with more character! And she would sort of… When she shed her scrubs, she shed the cheerfulness and the smile too. It was almost as if she – shrank…She became a shadow of herself. And then, we would sit and drink and she would talk – about you, about Holby, about the mistakes she’d made… But we never… We never even kissed – I mean – I wanted to. Oh God! I wanted to – Bernie… I tried once, and she pushed me away. She said – she said she loved me – but not like that – and she wanted us to stay friends. Best friends. So I had to settle for that. When I told you – Bernie was the love of MY life – but you were hers. So – I comforted her – I couldn’t stand seeing her so broken. I even got into trouble with my CO because I stayed more than planned. And – well at first I hated you for what you did to her. But… Bernie was her own person – I know she wasn’t perfect, I know she could be exasperating, and – intense. Very, very intense. And I understand why you were afraid of commitment. I’ve never been very good with that myself. Anyway – we all make mistakes. So – since she didn’t want me, I thought – maybe I could find a way to get you two back together. And I talked her into coming back once the mission was over… And then…”

“And then it was too late,” murmured Serena. “But I don’t understand – why did you tell me you were engaged?”

“To be honest with you – I’m not sure. Because – I could, I guess – I’d dreamt of it for so long, and… Also because – I think part of me wanted to see how you would react – if you would get angry at her. And part of me wanted to hurt you. Because – you had her heart. But when I saw your pain – well, I began to feel like a real asshole. After all – we both loved her and…”

“And now she’s gone and… Do you think there’s a chance it wasn’t her, Alex?”, Serena suddenly pleaded.

Alex shook her head: “No – there isn’t. The body armour – it’s designed to resist to the strongest blasts, but …where we found it – no body parts could have withstood the heat. I’m sorry, Serena.”

Alex took Serena’s hand in hers. “I’m sorry if I hurt you with my lies, Serena. Will you forgive me?”

Serena nodded: “Yes – I will. I mean – I understand – and – well, I know the pain you’re in all too well. I understand that too. I hope – I hope we can help heal each other.” Suddenly lost for words, she reached out and took Alex in her arms. At that same moment, Cameron and Nikki came into Albie’s and Nikki’s gasp made Cameron swivel and glare at the two women. Serena released Alex and took a swill of wine. As she reclined in her seat, Cameron strode to the table and hit it with his fist, making the half-full bottle of Shiraz fall, its contents rivuleting all over Alex’s beige slacks.

“How – how can you! You – you didn’t give a fuck about my mom! Either of you! You – you slags!”

As he stalked out of the bar, Nikki glanced at the two women apologetically and hurried after him. Both Serena and Alex remained shell-shocked, Alex not even bothering to try and clean her trousers. When she looked down at her lap, she sighed: “Well – at least it’s not blood – smells a little better. I guess – I guess he’s still angry with me.”

Serena nodded dejectedly: “With us – he already blames me for having sent his mother back in the line of fire – which I am responsible for, in a way.”

Alex shrugged: “Well – yes, maybe. But I am too. And Bernie was a grown woman – a stubborn one. You made a mistake, Serena – but you don’t have to pay for it for the rest of your life – that wouldn’t be fair. And you know Bernie was the epitome of fairness – she wouldn’t want you to.”

“No- no, I guess she wouldn’t.”

The two glasses clinked: “To Bernie!”

_Tell all the truth but tell it slant —_

_Success in Circuit lies_

_Too bright for our infirm Delight_

_The Truth's superb surprise_

_As Lightning to the Children eased_

_With explanation kind_

_The Truth must dazzle gradually_

_Or every man be blind —_

Emily Dickinson


End file.
